An intrepid tester casts his vote.
We love whipping up gourmet treats with fresh ingredients and fancy cookware during backcountry hut trips as much as anyone, but packing a heavy cast-iron skillet and a block of the finest brie simply doesn’t work for longer missions or fast-and-light trips in the wilderness. When less weight, packability, and simplicity are priorities, pre-packaged camp food is the way to go. The miracle of modern dehydration lets campers cook up anything from green beans to beef Stroganoff in mere minutes—just add water. We unleashed a hungry horde of office monkeys to sniff out the cream of the camp food crop. Opinions ranged from “better than sex” to “How did sawdust get in there?” but we found consensus on clear-cut winners and on losers we wouldn’t eat even if they came wrapped in bacon and dipped in a mother’s love.
Entrees
After a long day of exhaustive touring in the backcountry, you’ll likely find anything short of hot garbage pleasing. Fortunately, many of our meals tasted downright delicious, but a few choice flavors were not so delectable. Our panel of platinum palettes found the Mary Janes Farm Chili Mac to be “a definite staple for long treks.” The Mountain House Lasagna with Meat Sauce won this praise: “It ain’t like Mom’s, and it’s not shaped like lasagna, but after a long day on the trail I’d eat the hell out of it.” Not only will these dishes satisfy your hunger, they may just have you going back for seconds or wishing you’d packed another helping instead of that 8-year-old bag of shrimp ramen.
Unfortunately, not all of these pouches of provisions won universal praise. Quite contrary, some meals can only be described as culinary calamities not fit for the campsite. Comments like, “No need to hang this from a tree, even bears won’t eat this flapdoodle,” and, “Tastes like pure tomato paste mixed with pebbles,” don’t exactly whet the appetite. After trying one particular bean-based dish, a discriminating tester eloquently observed that, “This slop could easily be squeezed out of a tube like Go-gurt. Simply disgusting.” Enough said.
Veggie Options
In your enlightened circle of friends, vegetarians are hard to avoid or not invite on camping trips. Although our cubicle-encaged carnivores were appropriately skeptical of the vegan-friendly fare, the Alpine Aire Mountain Chili surprised even the manliest of masticators and ended up a test favorite. “This doesn’t even need spices, really tasty,” noted one tester. “Best food I’ve tasted yet,” said another.
Simple sides proved hard to beat. Mountain House’s Green Beans were described simply as “better than sex.” Ultimately, the vegetarian meals ranked among the most popular, even where texture failed to please. For example, Alpine Aire’s Refried Beans with Cheese “look(ed) like squirts” but was “very tasty, with good spicy heat,” according to one of our intrepid testers.
Dessert
Whether you prefer tofu in your scramble or a T-bone on your grill, everyone enjoys the sweet intoxication of sugary treats after a wholesome meal. Luckily, products like Mountain House’s Dehydrated Ice Cream and Mary Janes Farm Brownies fill your need for a satisfying, home-style dessert. Mad props rained down on the Mountain House Neapolitan Ice Cream, with one satisfied taster labeling it as “a gift from the gods,” while the Mountain House Raspberry Crumble won more praise than the rest of the desserts combined. Others didn’t fare so well. One messy dessert was labeled a “soupy, poopy mess” and “likely to spill all over the camp site; good thing bears hate chocolate.”
Drinks
Although some may enjoy washing down a meal with a pull from the flask, many of us prefer to stay hydrated in the backcountry. Nuun tablets come in a variety of flavors and won’t take up acres of space in your pack. Clear favorites included Citrus and Lemon-Lime, with one avid biker saying, “Hell yeah, fill up my CamelBak!” Testers were on the fence about unique flavors such as the Lemon Chai, which is “a decent drink, but I’m not sure I want to sip it all through a hike.” Others, such as the banana and cola flavors, elicited a few quizzical looks, but most testers agreed they would pair with a little rum for a tasty nightcap.
Sure, it tastes good, but what’s in it?
We know taste is important, but more important still is maintaining your energy and getting the most out of your meals in the backcountry. To get the skinny on what to look for when shopping for backcountry meals, we talked to our local nutritionist, Michelle Larson of OriginNutrition.com. “While dehydrated foods are not ideal on a day-to-day basis, they’re quite useful when heading into the backcountry for a few days,” said Larson. “There are still ways to make them work to your athletic advantage; you just need to read the labels and do a little planning.”
When we asked what to look for, Larson said, “A short ingredient list made of foods you recognize; if the list is too scientific to understand, or would be better-suited to a three-volume series, it’s not your best choice.” According to our nutrition guru, you should avoid high-fructose corn syrup (HFCS), partially hydrogenated oils, or “a sodium count that has a comma in it.” Too many hydrogenated oils will eventually affect your heart and slow down your performance; too much sodium chloride (the type of salt in processed foods) can lead to joint stiffness and decreased mobility; and HFCS will spike your energy before it plummets.
Larson also recommended adding a non-refrigerated pouch of chicken or tuna, or a little fresh cheese to balance a carbohydrate-heavy meal and keep you going for the long haul. “When it comes to an on-trail snack,” she said, “Avoid the processed energy bars, as they will often lead to a sugar and energy crash after a minimal spike. Instead, stick to some dried fruit and nuts for a pick-me-up on the go, as these will stay with you for the long-haul.”
Leftovers
“Tell your friends its nasty and eat it all yourself.”
“Tastes like heaven; looks like shit.”
“The only thing making these brownies better is a brick of hash or an open flame.”
“Absolutely delicious.”
“Just like a Hungarian dish without the Communism.”
“That’s beef, really?”
“Tasty going in; might be a little messy coming out.”
“It’s all beans; be alone in your tent. Be very alone.”
“As spicy as a Mexican Sunset.”
Related Posts:
Tags: backpacking, humor
