In an effort to make everyone’s shred experience a little better, here’s a jaded list of things that irk us. Enjoy!
10. People who tuck their snowboard pants into their boots.
This isn’t equestrian school. If we had a free foot, we’d kick you as we rode past.
9. Cell phones on the hill.
One of the best things about snowboarding or skiing is getting out of the city and up on the mountain. Hearing some slack-jawed yokel yak about how many beers he shotgunned last night before he passed out in the bathtub kind of ruins the mood. If you really need your phone (like, if you’re an E.R. doctor), at least put your phone on vibrate so we don’t have to listen to your Fergie ringtone. Side note: if you are an E.R. doctor with a Fergie ringtone, please don’t operate on me. I’ll just pop some Advil and take my chances.
8. Spread eagle stance.
There’s nothing wrong with rocking a wide stance for jibbing, but when you’re 5’2 and you drill extra holes in your deck for a 26-inch stance, you look lame. On second thought, keep doing it. It gives me something to laugh about on the way home.
7. Excuses.
You brought the wrong board or skis. Your goggles are foggy. You worked out yesterday, you’re hungover, and you have swine flu with symptoms of hysterical pregnancy. We get it. Look, no one’s going to give you shit for being an intermediate rider or skier—as long as you commit and don’t make up fairy tales when you bail on an expert run.
6. Mom’s video camera.
Don’t expect those of us who wanna ski or ride to cater to your movie-making. We’re very proud of you for mastering your first 3, and we’re sure the zoom-in/zoom-out camera work will totally trip out your friends, but unless you want my bare ass in the background, save the filming for urban jibbing.
5. Snowflaking/snowplowing where you shouldn’t be riding.
Hey, thanks for scraping off all the powder. I’ll have fun landing in it after I get a core shot riding over the rocks you just uncovered. xoxo. BFF.
4. Drunk drivers.
Everyone likes to down a pint in the parking lot, but heading up the lifts after sharing a few pitchers with yourself is not rad. For one, your slurry conversatin’ skillz are anything but attractive, and two, I’d rather not be the victim of your wild flailing in the park or belligerent charging on the steeps.
3. Mr. Oblivious.
There’s really no need to set up camp on the landing of a jump. The view is just as good if you move 20 feet to the left. Mr. Lie There Dramatically after Falling off the Lift, Señor Eatshit on a Traverse, and Ms. Rail Digger belong in this category, too. Maybe you guys and Mr. Oblivious should hang out—just don’t do it where I’m trying to land.
2. Bad Samaritans.
Go ahead and fly past, but remember: someday the person lying there with a broken bone waiting for someone to stop could be you.
1. Assholes.
Everyone has his or her own list of top ten ass-chappers, but the existence of said lists doesn’t give anyone the green light to be a jerk. Don’t snake lines, don’t throw temper tantrums, and most importantly: don’t pick fights. If you’re an asshole on the mountain, you’re missing the point.
What’s Your Top 10?
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Tags: humor, resorts, snowboarding
The thing that pisses me off most is the whole skier vs snowboarder thing. I do both. Both have their own breed of F*** ups, so stop blaming the other for all the problems on the hill.
That and people that get pissed at you for having a beer in the parking lot.
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Skiers or snowboarders who pick a good line on a powder day, decide its too steep then slide slip the whooooooole waaaaaaay down. Arg!
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I agree with Matt 1, skiers can be just as much of dicks as snowboarders. I’ve never had anybody getting pissed about having a beer in the parking log though, they usually just ask if I have an extra I could spare.
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People who think cat walks are runs and make more turns then a racerson a Slalom course.
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