Before: A gape-tastic climber breaking the hell out of rule #7
A friend of mine recently started climbing and fell in love with it right away. Now he can’t get enough. Good on ya mate! On about his second day of climbing he turned to another friend and said “alright dude, what do I need to know to keep from looking like a total gaper when I’m climbing?” My friend came up with a list of things not to do. Here are a few of the highlights…
#10 – Talking trash about gapers: We all had to start somewhere. Chances are that you were guilty of some pretty gapetastic stuff when you started climbing. We all were. It’s up to us to help the newbies along and show them the way. Don’t be a jerk about it, just ease them along the path.
#9 – Gear in the gym: It’s hard to get much more gaperific than bringing all your climbing gear into the gym. I’ve seen people climbing plastic with a full rack of quickdraws hanging from their harness. I’ve even seen people with a sling of cams over their shoulder. These are all the climbing equivalent of wearing a kick-me sign.
#8 – Unnecessary harness accessories: You have no need to head up a single pitch route with a water bottle, approach shoes, gym tag, three belay devices, and a roll of tape clipped to your harness, but that won’t stop the gapetacular among us from doing it.
After: No longer a gaper, and crushing The Abyss (5.12c)
#7 – Cell phone at the crag: This one is pretty universal. No one wants to hear you talk to your girlfriend on a chairlift, on a trail, in line at the coffee shop, or at the crag. Especially at the crag. Those things do have an off button you know.
#6 – Wearing socks with climbing shoes: Unless you’re old enough that you were sending 5.10 when there was no such thing as 5.11 or you’re on the 25th pitch of some secluded alpine route, size your shoes properly. You’ll be amazed how well your shoes work when they actually fit well.
#5 – Name dropping: “So this one time I was working my super sic proj and this guy Chris Sharma came walking by. You’ve probably heard of him. And he looked up and said “cool route.” That’s right, the route that I was on. I almost had a beer with Chris (note use of first name) later on, but he was with like seven other people, so I decided to let my bro slide.” In the business world it may be “not what you know but who you know.” In the climbing world, however, what you do is far more important.
#4 – Getting in over your head: I’m all about pushing your personal limits, but when you do it you shouldn’t do it on things that are really likely to end badly. Trying to lead a hard trad route way before you have the skills to pull it off safely is a good example of getting in over your head. The same goes for ice climbing. Unless you have the skills (not the ego) to get up and off safely, you’re better off sticking to sport climbing.
#3 – Tope-rope-a-thons: It’s hard to do something that pisses off more climbers than bringing a group of 15 to the base of a super-classic route, having the group’s one rope gun lead it, and then have the other 14 toprope the thing into submission. But for God’s sake, if you are going to do this, just do it to one route. Don’t take up a whole effin’ crag. If someone does walk by who looks like they may be planning to lead the route you have a TR on, offer to pull your rope and let them lead it. Most climbers will happily re-hang your rope when they’re done.
#2 – Throwing a wobbler: No one wants to see you flail your arms like a baby who lost his blankie, spew a stream of profanity, and throw your shoes all while hanging from a rope after falling off your project. A simple Aaaaahhhhh! should do the job for most circumstances.
#1 – Poor belaying skills: Giving a leader too much slack, short-roping her on a clip, or generally not paying attention to your leader instantly lets everyone around know that you have no idea what you’re doing and and that you should not be belaying. Taking your break hand off your belay device, even for a second, while your partner is on the sharp end is ground’s for an ass kicking. If you actually drop your partner, assuming he doesn’t end up in the hospital, then you should be ready to accept whatever beating he decides to dish out.
