Whatever you do, don't use the tooth method.
You head back to camp after a good, long day of gettin’ after it and pull an icy cold beer from the cooler to celebrate. Suddenly, and not without a small measure of panic, you realize you forgot your bottle opener. Before you resort to breaking the neck off your Polygamy Porter with a rock and risk drinking down busted glass with your brew, open your eyes and look for some other alternatives. There are plenty of items in camp that will help you get access to a cold one. Depending on your chosen activity, you may have nearly limitless options.
Biking
Mountain bikers have more bottle-opening items at their disposal than any other group. Between all the tools you have in camp and the bikes themselves, cracking your Bohemian Cherny Bock should be a piece of cake.
Pedals: SPD pedals have been used to pop tops since the beginning of time, and they’re not the only option. Some Crank Brothers and Time pedals also work with a little creativity. Some cleats also work; but hey, they’re on the bottom of your shoe. Do you really want to go that route? About half of the flat pedals out there can double as openers as well. Just make sure you don’t get mud in your Junction City Chocolate Stout after a sloppy ride.
Forward-Thinking Companies: Any brand that doesn’t picture a mountain biker cracking a Provo Girl Pilsner after a summer ride is clearly not in touch with its customers. Luckily, some are very in touch with their customers. The derailleur hangers on all new Santa Cruz Bikes have integrated bottle openers. Park Tool makes quite a few tools with built-in bottle openers. In fact Park Tool even makes a barbecue kit with a spatula and tongs made out of cone wrenches. Nothing says let’s chill after a ride like a barbecue in the back of a truck.
A Box of Bottle Openers: Open your tool box, and pull out the 15mm cone wrench, pliers, or a one of a dozen other tools, and you’ll have the top off your Epic Copper Cone in no time. It’s pretty nice to have something to take the edge off when you’re wrenching on a bike that just won’t stay fixed, which is why several companies integrate bottle openers in their tools. In fact, if you can’t find some kind of bottle-opening device inside your tool box, you probably don’t deserve to have your Deschutes Jubel anyway.
Climbing
Like mountain bikers, climbers have plenty of options to use to get inside a Twilight Ale. Dump your pack on the ground, and you’ll find a pile of hardware that can serve double-duty. Trad climbers in particular have to be pretty creative in order to protect difficult pitches, and their ingenuity has migrated all the way to the campground. Although it’s a little outside the scope of this piece, it’s worth nothing that you can remove the cork from a wine bottle with nothing more than a number 4 stopper.
Carabiners: Standard (non-keylock) carabiners can be used by putting the cap in the gate notch and levering the top against the nose. Some have suggested, however, that this compromises a carabiner’s strength, so only use old bail ‘biners to get your Lost Abbey open.
Nut Tools: If you think the back of a Black Diamond nut tool looks suspiciously like a bottle opener, that’s because it is a bottle opener. Even if you have a different nut tool, you can use it to open a Cantillon without too much effort.
Ice Tools: Ice tools also do the trick. If you’ve ever snapped off an edge while drytooling, then you know how efficiently an ice tool can pry things off. Wrap your hand around the neck of your Russian River, flip the ice tool upside down, and put the pick under the cap. Pry and pop.
Backpacking
Lighter, Pot Lid, Pot Handle, Tent Stakes: The lighter trick has been around as long as drunken college students have been misplacing their keys. You need a lighter to fire up your stove, so you should be good to go. Wrap your hand around the neck of the bottle, put the base of the lighter under the lid, and push down on the lighter to pop the top off a Squatters IPA. The same technique can be used with the lid of your pot, your pot gripper, tent stakes, or a number of other items.
Guy Lines: If your tent is rigged properly, then it has a bunch of guy lines hanging off it. Make a loop in one of them, hook it under one of the protrusions on the lid of a Dead Horse Ale, and pull straight up. That’s all there is to it.
Standby Tricks
Bottle Opening Bottle: Another college standby. Put two bottles of Red Rock Nut Brown beside each other with the top of one just under the cap of the other. Knock the bottom bottle upward and it pops the top off the other. Trade positions and do it again. Serve and enjoy.
Wedding Ring: There are a few companies that make ring bottle openers, but if you’re wearing a sturdy ring, you can place it under the bottle cap and pry the top off a Guinness. Be careful not to dislocate your finger. I know for a fact that the founder of a well-known climbing company actually sharpens his wedding ring to make it more efficient at opening bottles. I won’t say which one because I don’t want to take a chance at getting him in trouble with his wife.
Enjoy your 4th of July weekend. Drink responsibly.
Have an old standby? Share in the comments section below.
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Tags: beer, climbing, mountain biking
Even more fun with an ice tool: hit the cap just like you would ice. The pick will go straight through the cap. Now just pry the cap off. Note: don’t miss the cap unless you want to stab yourself in the hand or shatter the bottle.
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